The Completely Falsified & Untrue Cricket Trivia. Ever.

The cricket fever is hard to ignore; in the TV screen, in the newspapers, and even among the public, ever Tom, Dick and Harry (some of them are fine cricketers) had an opinion to offer. Balls and runs and all that mumbo- jumbo, and the ever-so-conspicuous-bug is what defines the Indian (& Pakistani &Sri Lankan &all the other countries who can't make it to the FIFA qualifier's) populace. They say cricket is religion; and the likes of Sachin Tendulkar are gods. Well, what more can I say; we've always been so religious! Though, I don't think this qualifies as a proper research paper in sociology, it is still hard to ignore!

So, this is my own very personalized (read: fabricated, but funny!) take on the sport that was named after an insect (etymologists go explore!). 

#1. Obviously, the sport of cricket is named after a bug; why? Before the legendary Lagaan match (it is true) it was just called 'bat-and-ball', then in the early 1800s some Britons accidentally squished a cricket (the swear phrase today is known as 'crikey'). To honour the dead bug (the players then were entomologists) the renamed bat-and-ball as "cricket".

#12. The sport of cricket is more tragic than ironic; the Brits who invented it, sadly today are not even that close to monopolizing the game. All a result of their stupid colonial imperialism. Bloody capitalists! And more tragically, Indians like Akshay Kumar are now playing in their teams.

#41. During the Cold War years, India and certain other NAM countries decided to thaw the US-USSR cold vibes by organizing a friendly cricket match. 

#46. That plan didn't materialize as the Americans had more disdain for an English game than they had for a Soviet State. And, most of the Russian players wanted to defect to the West but were later caught and shot dead by the KGB. 

#67. The most unfair practice in International Cricket today is the Home Ground advantage; matches should be organized in non-cricketing countries so that it boosts the economy of those nations and well, the propagation of cricket. 

#74. The second most unfair practice in International Cricket is the Duck-Worth Lewis method. Actually, it's the most illogical and worthless thing ever (worse than this trivia, too). I mean, is cricket about an insect and a duck? Or was that an umpire who decided to play God?

#118. The IPL should be renamed the IIPL, International Indian Premiere League. Why? I really don't know. They can still call it the "eyee-pee-ell"...I guess.

#126. Lalit Modi is actually Sharad Pawar's long-lost nephew. When he realized that Pawar ditched him at the Kumbha-Mela, he decided to make it large and make his sporting extravaganza larger than the BCCI. 

#133. When the Shiv-Sena dug the pitch at Wankhede in '91, they were actually planning to bury a few loads of cash. It never struck them that the ditches have to be filled after they're stuffed with cash.

#149. Call it hypocritical or ironical, I actually cheer for Indian players more in an IPL match than an international one; just a few favourites, mind you. 

#153. It's grossly untrue that most Indians are unaware of sports like hockey and tennis; every Indian knows that the "70 minutes" of a hockey match are the most important 70 minutes for the players; I'm guessing they get paid by the hour. And as for tennis, which Indian male ever missed a Sania Mirza match!

#191. "99" is the second best Indian movie about cricket after 'Lagaan'; and the best part is, half the movie's about betting and match-fixing!

#199. No matter how many such random and pointless posts, such as this, you read, cricket will always be second to football!